New Stock Market Terms

CEO– Chief Embezzlement Officer CFO - Corporate Fraud Officer BULL MARKET– A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius BEAR MARKET– a 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex. VALUE INVESTING– The art of buying low and selling lower. P/E RATIO– The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing. BROKER – What my financial planner has made me. STANDARD & POOR– Your life in a nutshell. STOCK ANALYST– Idiot who just downgraded your stock. MARKET CORRECTION– The day after you buy stocks. CASH FLOW– The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet. YAHOO – What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share. WINDOWS– What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo at $240 per share. INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse. PROFIT – an archaic word no longer in use.